One of the aspects of life that every human being shares is the end of life. Although universal, it remains one of the most complex experiences in human life. However, the way we talk about it can have a significant impact on how we cope with and perceive grief.
The power of language
Language is not only our means of communication; it is a powerful tool that helps us shape our reality, our circles and our environment on a daily basis. The choice of words has the power to heal or to hurt, and when we talk about sensitive topics such as death, these words acquire even more power. It is not the same to refer to this inevitable situation as “loss” or “farewell” as it is to use words like “death” or “passing” directly. Surely, as you read them, you can notice the connotation of each one, which responds to certain cultural and social contexts, and above all to our experiences in this situation.
How to talk to a person who has just lost a loved one?
- Euphemisms: Using them can protect us from pain, especially when our mood is not at its best. Phrases such as “he's resting now” or “she's at peace now” are examples of how we refer to this with a certain positivity to avoid causing more pain.
- Empathetic language: Not everyone is the same; however, certain tokens of concern have become universal, such as “I'm here for whatever you need” or “If you need to talk to someone, I'm here for you”. A small token of support can make all the difference in the grieving process.
- Using positive narratives: Talking about the deceased person's legacy, experiences and good deeds helps loved ones focus on significant positive aspects of their life, remembering the good over the bad.
What phrases and words can we avoid?
- Trivial phrases: Comments such as “everything happens for a reason” or “we've all lost someone” are not a source of understanding or compassion and can make the bereaved feel worse.
- Unemotional Language: The use of clinical and impersonal terms can create emotional distancing, creating a less than warm or sensitive environment for those affected.
- Judging Emotions: Phrases that minimize another's pain, such as “you should be better by now”, only invalidate their emotions.
How do we choose our words?
Choosing our words helps us contribute to a more supportive and healing environment. Some factors to consider include:
- Active listening: Listening carefully to the bereaved to understand their emotional needs or asking them about the issues that trouble them most are real signs of concern.
- Personalized approach: Everyone's emotions are different. Tailor the way you speak to the person, whether in terms of warmth, formality, or even beliefs.
- Balance honesty and sensitivity: Find a point where your honesty does not lack empathy. Be sensitive to emotional pain.
Conclusion
The language we use, the expressions we choose and how we behave regarding the death of someone and its repercussions on their loved ones are elements that contribute to create a space where grief can be expressed openly, generating comfort and understanding in the mourners.
